I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
