I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
