gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
