it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
