dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
