The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so let's talk penis.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
