Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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