the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This house was built for laser tag.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
