You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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