So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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