I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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