I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
