I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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