Whod you bang
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
