And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
