careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
