Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
