I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
