I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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