Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
