You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize