She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
