I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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