Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
