For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
