I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
