A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize