She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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