You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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