I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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