Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize