If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
