glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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