Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
