So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
two words: eviction party
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
not ubering you a puppy
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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