guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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