I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize