just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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