nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
