could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
