dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
