i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think my vagina is haunted
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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