JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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