So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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