She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
