"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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