I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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