So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
