Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
COCAINE IS GR8
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