I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
