are you still at the devil's house?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
